Okay, so it's been nearly a year, and as I find myself on deviantart more frequently than per usual, maybe I will update this? Though I prefer my xanga. I mostly use this to look at costumey things and fashion photography. I'm not much of an artist at all.

I do not think I've ever said anything specific about me. Just random anecdotes when I first got this at 16. But what is there to say?

I'm questioning everything at the moment.

I'm a nineteen year old college student. Majoring in theatre (design/tech), sociology, and women's studies. People ask me what I intend to do with said degrees, and I usually shrug in reply, and say, "I'll figure it out at some point." Which is not a total lie. I consider my concentrations general directions, and I'll figure it out in grad school. who knows.

And people will always say, "do what you love!" But I think it is more complicated. I think you have to have aptitude in the thing you love, and if you have none, it just won't work. For instance, if I loved math (which I abso-fucking do not), and I loved doing equations, but I always got them wrong. I also could never figure out how to do them, and then I decide to pursue a degree in math, well, that would just be fucking stupid. The same with my degree's. I would love to be a costume designer, but if I have no artistic talent, then it won't happen. I can accept that. I also like helping people or animals. Even when I was young, I felt that way. I can't explain why really. It seems a little too simplistic to want that as a career, and sometimes I think I would miss the artistic aspect that theatre offers if I worked in non-profit or human rights. But then sometimes I think costume design could be unfulfilling, much as I love

I also analyze everything. I am always observing people, and quietly making assumptions about them. I also analyze events, and all those annoying cliche questions about the human existence. And sometimes I just want to shut my mind off, and stop worrying. Stop thinking. Stop worrying about my future, or what some person said about me, or even that stupid paper due next week (it'll get done), because...well, we're all gonna die. Why are we worrying so much? I look back on myself a few years ago, and wonder why the hell I spent so much time worrying. It doesn't help the situation, and like I said, we're all gonna die. When my life is flashing before my eyes, I don't want to be thinking about how much I worried about shit... that in retrospect, was trivial.

I'm also simple, I guess. I want to love and be loved, but that is universal, isn't it? I also want to be happy. Christ, I sound cliche.

I like talking when I have something to say, or if I'm particularly passionate about a subject. But I abso-fucking-hate it when people talk just to fill the silence, or they talk at you, rather than with you. I've literally talked to people, where I cannot get a word in during the whole three hours they have been talking at me. I gravitate toward people who are comfortable with silence, but we can still have a good conversation if we're into it.

I never actively seek relationships, but if something happens, that's coo'. But if not, I won't be miserable, because I do not need someone to feel complete. My last relationship was two years ago, and I'm dandy.

I also have trouble initiating relationships, or being forthright with my feelings, for fear of rejection. Hence, the reason why I've been single for 2 years.

I find beauty in odd and unexpected things/people.

I hit on people incessantly.

I'm hardcore feminist.

I want to completely cut fish out of my diet, and become a real vegetarian. But that damn sushi is soooo good.

I like to be around people, but if I don't know them, or there are too many of them, I hate it. And I would prefer to be alone.

I'm originally from Hawaii, but people constantly question this, as I'm mostly white. To be more exact, I am German, Welsh, English, American-Indian, Scotch-Irish, Austrian, and Syrian. But I think ethnic identity is annoying. My ancestors (most of them) came to this country 150 years ago, and I'm pretty sure I've lost any connection with these places. Also, some people base ethnicity on what you look like, rather than what you actually ARE. For some reason, many people think I'm Italian or Portuguese, but I do NOT identify with any of it, because it is not me. So do not label me as such.

That's it for my random thoughts.